Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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