She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
