I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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