I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
