i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
