he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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