It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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