Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this just has baby written all over it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
