Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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