What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
