So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
