ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
