This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
