im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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