For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
