On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
