the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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