FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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