i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
