Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
