I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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