I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
