I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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