I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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