i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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