never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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