You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
