Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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