He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
