you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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