he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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