just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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