My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
