how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
