Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
