highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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