We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
