I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
