halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
