he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
