glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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