I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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