He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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