I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize