Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
