unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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