Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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