I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
