Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
