Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
