Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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