It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
