You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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