The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
