Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
two words...techno handjob
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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