yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
