I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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