Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?