So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
