he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?