Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here