and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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