you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
