I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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