my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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